Silver Linings

Yesterday was a big day for my little man.

First off, he got to spend the whole day with his “Uncky B.”


Secondly, Brian has been on a formula only diet since Thursday morning, and yesterday, he had a normal poop.

This may not seem like something to be excited about, but if you remember from an earlier post, the number of normal poops he has had in his lifetime is minimal to say the least.

While I am over the moon that his poor bottom is receiving a much needed break, my excitement is hindered by the thoughts that creep into my over analytical mind.

There is the obvious, that being on just formula is helping him.  Then there is the fear  and questions, wondering if maybe he has been reacting to the foods we thought were safe for him.  My bigger fear is the question, “Is he allergic to all food?”

Believe me, that is the absolute last thing I want.

It doesn’t help that an article in People magazine is making its way around Facebook and other sites about a nineteen year old boy in Utah, who is allergic to all food.

I don’t want to jump to worst case scenarios, but after two years of variations of diarrhea, it does make you think.

This new diet of Brian’s brings interesting actions on my part.  I do not want Brian to see me eating, especially anything he may have had in the past.  I try to sneak food or eat something I know he would never ask to have because he has never had it before.  This makes for a very curious diet for me.

But the last thing I want to do is listen to him cry when I say he cannot have what I’m eating.  So I adapt; and I buy distractions from the dollar bin.  It is amazing how a pair of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle socks can capture his attention and make him forget about his food request.  I then place a new bottle in his hand and hope he drinks it.

This hope mostly is because he is supposed to be drinking a minimum of six, highly concentrated, 8oz bottles a day.  So far the best I have done is four.  Hopefully as the days progress, that amount will rise.

It is amazing the struggles or “mountains” that appear in our paths.  I believe that God has a purpose and a plan, and that someday this will all make sense.

This morning I had the unfortunate experience of falling down the stairs.  As I sat on the ground, crying tears of frustration, Brian came around the corner.  He took my face in his tiny hands and said, “You okay, mom?”  I smiled and pulled him into my arms.

Perhaps I have been focusing too much on the difficulty of our current situation and it took falling down the stairs for God to subtly remind me that I have everything I need in the unconditional love of my son.

I am okay, Brian, and you are my silver lining through all the difficulty.  There may be hard times and struggles ahead, but God gave me the most unbelievable gift of being your mommy, and even if I have to fall down the stairs once in a while to be reminded, my primary focus will be to make sure YOU are okay.

I love you, my sweet boy.



5 thoughts on “Silver Linings

  1. You are strong willed, strong minded and evidently have strong bones. When times get tough imagine that sweet little boy asking if YOU are ok. That is just like Brian – making sure his mommy is ok. Stay strong Erin.


  2. Erin you just keep amazing me! Your writing is spectacular! You must be helping many people who are struggling… I am praying for you guys honey! Brian is so cute and soooo strong!
    Hang tough! We’re rooting for you guys!
    Love, Marian and Duane


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